Genesis 23 - When Grief Gets Complicated

If you’ve ever lost someone close to you, you know that grief has a life of its own.  If you’ve ever been an executor of a will, you know that the logistics of someone’s life can add complication to that grief. That’s the situation we find Abraham in, here in Genesis 23 after his wife, Sarah, has passed away.

We also get to look into the dynamics of Ancient Near East transactions and how that impacted everything Abraham was going through at the time.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:21

If you've ever lost somebody close to you, you know that grief has a life all its own. If you've ever been an executor of that person's will, you know that grief can get pretty complicated at times. That's the situation that we find Abraham in here in Genesis chapter 23. Thank you for meeting me here in the Word. I am so glad that you've joined us today. Go ahead and open up your copy of the Word to Genesis chapter 23, and we'll read all of that together. I wanted to just take a moment to say thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. I'm hoping that it is an encouragement and a blessing to you, and it certainly is for me when you do that. And by the way, if you'd like to partner with me on any level more than that, there are links in this show's episode. Before we do anything else, let's pray. Jesus, thank you that you meet us in every season of life. God, including the hard times, the times when somebody that is close to us dies, and and uh we're not always sure what to do with all of the things that we feel and all of the details that come alongside that. God thank you that you do understand and that you give us the strength to walk through those times. Be with us now. Amen. All right, so let's uh turn to Genesis twenty-three, and we will read all of it together. I think it's important for us to catch this narrative. Sarah lived to be a hundred and twenty seven years old. She died at Kariath Arba, that is Hebron, in the land of Canaan, and Abraham went to mourn for Sarah and to weep over her. Then Abraham rose from beside his dead wife and spoke to the Hittites. He said, I am a foreigner and stranger among you. Sell me some property for a burial site here, so I can bury my dead. The Hittites replied to Abraham, Sir, listen to us, you are a mighty prince among us, bury your dead in the choicest of our tombs. None of us will refuse you his tomb for burying your dead. Then Abraham rose and bowed down before the people of the land, the Hittites. He said to them, If you are willing to let me bury my dead, then listen to me and intercede with Ephron son of Zohar, on my behalf, so he will sell me the cave of Machpalah, which belongs to him and is at the end of his field. Ask him to sell it to me for the full price as a burial site among you. Ephron the Hittite was sitting among his people, and he replied to Abraham in the hearing of all the Hittites who had come to the gate of his city. No, my lord, he said, Listen to me, I give you the field, and I give you the cave that is in it. I give it to you in the presence of my people, bury your dead. Again Abraham bowed down before the people of the land, and he said to Ephron in their hearing, Listen to me, if you will, I will pay the price of the field, accept it from me so I can bury my dead there. Ephron answered Abraham, Listen to me, my lord, the land is worth four hundred shekels of silver, but what is that between you and me? Bury your dead. Abraham agreed to Ephron's terms and weighed out for him the price he had named in the hearing of the Hittites, four hundred shekels of silver according to the weight current among the merchants. So Ephron's field in Makpalah near Mamre, from the field, sorry, both the field and the cave in it, and all the trees within the borders of the field was deeded to Abraham as his property in the presence of all the Hittites who had come to the gate of the city. Afterward Abraham buried his wife Sarah in the cave in the field of Machpalah near Mamre, which is at Hebron, in the land of Canaan. So the field and the cave in it were deeded to Abraham by the Hittites as a burial site. Let's take a moment and pause to listen to God. Once again, if it helps you, go ahead and pause this to give yourself your own quiet time with the Lord. All right, let's make a few observations here together. It is a pretty interesting story, and I'll let you know that in first reading it, uh I thought I had a certain kind of a response just in my in my heart, and then as I dug deeper, it changed a little bit for me. So if you've ever gone through that experience, so have I. The first thing is just to acknowledge that Sarah's life is complete, and the way that this chapter opens is grief in the way that I think we all recognize if we've gone through that experience. Uh they've been married, they've been spouses, they've been partners for such a long time. They've been through all kinds of situations, um, good ones, bad ones, uh, difficult things, joyous things. All of that has been their life together. And uh his wife has finally uh passed away and and he he misses her. He grieves over her uh and and and yet weeps, yeah, absolutely weeps over her, and then and then moves into uh something that I think we don't always think about when somebody passes away, which is dealing with the logistics of of the end of life and of working through somebody's you know, somebody's dealings. And it was some aspect of that was cleaner just because they were married. But certainly uh finding a place, as you heard in the text, for her to be buried was was more than just a little conversation. There were there was a bunch going on in the context of that. So Sarah's life is complete. And then we uh we see that Abraham wants to match his personal grief, which we read about in those opening two verses, with cultural honor and burial rites. It was really important that she was buried and that the burial site belonged to him so that there wouldn't be any weirdness later on, anything that that could uh be called into question uh because of the, I guess, almost sacred or honoring nature of somebody's death. There really was a a big deal. And so he begins to move into these negotiations that look sort of like kindness, at least when you read them through the first time. So he's there and and he's wanting to do something that was very important to him, and he acknowledges, and we see that right there in the beginning, that he uh he's a he's still a foreigner, right? He says there, uh, I I am a foreigner and a stranger among you. Sell me some property uh so that I can bury my dead. And and the Hittites respond in an interesting way. They they respond with honor that I think I think it was real, and yet there was this sense of we're doing this kind of out of a cultural place. So the ancient Near East, which is what the land of Canaan was, that we're reading an ancient Near East text whenever we read the Old Testament in particular. And uh, and so there are some things that are helpful for us to understand. The first thing, well maybe this is the main thing, uh, is that this is an honor-shame culture. So when the land is is offered as a gift, uh the cave and the land itself is offered as a gift, and it's offered, you know, repeated, it's about three times there, it's not necessarily intended to be just accepted, right? It's it's this kind of uh cultural ritual that they go through, and and so they're they're offering it to him, but it's kind of expected that um that there would be payment that would happen at some point. And if there wasn't, and this is the part that I think Abraham is recognizing, if there wasn't payment, if he had just said yes at the beginning, yeah, thank you so much. Um, you know, I'm honored that you would offer this piece of land to me so that I can bury my wife, if he had gone that direction, then there likely would have been like strings attached to that. There would have been an ensnarment that took place as as a result of that. So Abraham understands what's happening, he understands the assignment, and and he kindly, and that part was also important, he kindly declines. He he just he comes back, and you can read it there in the in the language that's used uh uh all all along the way. Uh he you know he says, uh, if you are willing to let me bury my dead, then listen to me and and intercede with this particular guy. He has a plot in mind, uh, an area of land in mind. Uh and uh you know, sit let him sell me this particular piece of land, uh, ask him to sell it to me for the full price as a burial site among you. And they're like, no, he it's okay, you know, you can just do this thing. And he comes back. No, he says, I'll pay the the price for the field, accept it from me. So there's this back and forth that happens, and and it's it's it's just how that transaction worked in in that world in that particular time, and that's something that he had to really kind of work through. And as I was, you know, reading this sort of like the first time and and in the past, I was like, oh, this is interesting. This is like it it feels really kind, doesn't it, that they would offer this. And yet, after kind of doing some research and going through it, I was like, oh, hang on a second here, there there is more at play. And I found myself sympathizing and empathizing with Abraham all the more that when you go through that that kind of a life event when when somebody you care about, and you know, I've lost loved ones for sure, but I've never, you know, thank the Lord my wife is still with me, and we we expect uh many more great years together. But but when you lose your spouse, I mean that's a that's a very intimate bond. It's probably the most intimate bond that that we can experience in this life. And and so he's going through all of that, and then and then he's there, and he's just having to do this negotiation, which I'm sure you know, and I'm speculating here and I I know that, but I'm sure that he was like inside, is just like, come on, guys, just can we do this thing so that I can complete my grief? And so that personal grief that he had felt and probably was still feeling, he wanted the cultural honor, the cultural right, R-I-T-E, that kind of right, to match up that. He wanted to do the right thing and to give respect to his wife, uh, and and to have that that established without any um any threat of repercussions uh taking place later on. All right, let's reflect on a couple of things uh for ourselves before we uh carry on with the rest of our day, and uh just in light of this particular story, this particular passage, I'm gonna ask you something that might feel a little bit odd. But the thing is this have you planned for the end of your life? Now, if you're listening to this and you're like, you're 20-something, ah, I get it. You may not really have much reason to go ahead and do that. You may not have a lot of stuff to give away or whatever, but most of us should probably have some kind of a plan so that our loved ones actually know what to do. And I've noticed that in our culture, we tend to avoid conversations about the end of life. And then it happens, and then your family, your loved ones, are left with kind of putting the pieces together. And so this isn't me trying to sell you on anything, but just to say, you know, have that conversation if you're married, have that conversation with your spouse, uh, you know, think about those things. I would highly encourage you to draft a will and uh and and to put those those sorts of things in in place. I think it is actually important because then you know that even in the ending of your life, you're hopefully being a blessing, not a burden, to those who uh who love you and are are mourning you uh through through that time. The second part is um just a little bit of a different take on all of this, but but it's an encouragement to thank God for the people that have contributed to your life during theirs. So I'll bet you that there are people that have been a part of your life and they've since passed on. And I think a really healthy way of remembering them is just to to say thank you and to kind of maybe even identify certain gifts that they gave you through the course of their life. And by gifts I mean things like maybe they taught you how to negotiate a deal, maybe they showed you what it means to be a good parent, or maybe they showed you what it means to be loved even though you weren't the easiest person to love. Not that anybody listening to or watching this is hard to love, of course not, but you know what I'm saying. Uh so just take a moment to to thank God for them and and to just process that. I think it's it's helpful for us. I know today has been a little bit different just because of the nature of what we've been talking about, but again, may you continue to grow closer to Jesus even as you go through things that just aren't easy. God sees you, he knows you, and he cares for you. Let's pray. Jesus, thank you for all that you have done. Uh God, we rejoice in your goodness and in your compassion toward us. God show us what it looks like to uh to grieve well when that season happens for us, and God help us to to be wise in all that takes place. Thank you for looking out for us. We love you. Amen.